


200 Rules of the Smash Mansion

by Latias425



Series: Smashed Together [2]
Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Commercials, Gen, Humor, Randomness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-12-09 06:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11663409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latias425/pseuds/Latias425
Summary: The Smash Mansion: the place that is home to the iconic smashers. It could also be described as the craziest place on earth. So what happens when Palutena gets the idea to create a TV show dedicated to all of the insanity that goes on in the Smash Mansion on a regular basis? Who knows? I mean, this is Lady Palutena we're talking about here.





	1. Episode 1 Part 1

It was a rather slow day in the Smash Mansion, and everyone seemed to be bored out of their skulls. Although there was plenty to do in the Smash Mansion, no one was really able to find anything new and exciting.

As far as Robin was concerned, today was the perfect opportunity for him to kick back and relax. It wasn't often that the tactician was able to get a break from managing the Smash Mansion, so he decided to take the day to sit back and read a good book. But as Robin would expect, he wouldn't get very far in his reading before a certain somebody comes along.

"Heyyyy, Robin!"

Robin looked up from his book and he knew exactly who it was. "Yes? What is it, Lady Palutena?"

Palutena came into the room, a look of pure excitement on her face. "Robin, you're not gonna believe what I just came up with!"

"What did you come up with?"

"Okay so, I was watching TV the other day, I think it was Randomness. Or was it The World's Craziest Home Videos?"

"What is it that you are trying to tell me?"

"Oh, right. So, I was watching TV one day, and it gave me an idea."

Robin winced slightly. Whenever Palutena had an idea, it was almost always a crazy one. "What is your idea?"

"My idea is...are you ready for this? I wanna create a TV show about the Smash Mansion!"

"..."

"Well?"

"So...let me get this straight. You want to make a television show...about the Smash Mansion?"

"Yep!"

"How would that even work? I do not think we even have the proper equipment for a television show."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Robin. I'm sure there's someone out there that'll let us borrow their theater."

"How are you even going to film the show?"

"Don't worry, Robin. I'll have all that taken care of. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna spread the word."

"Well, I am not so sure about..." Robin looked up, but she was long gone. He sighed as he sank in his chair. "I do not see how this can possibly work."

**Three weeks later...**

Palutena smiled to herself as she sat in an armchair on a dimly lit stage. Sitting right next to her onstage was Robin, which judging by the look on his face, he didn't seem to be as excited as she was.

"Told ya this would work!" Palutena whispered as she playfully nudged him.

Robin opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped himself. He probably should've expected something like this to happen. This _was_ Lady Palutena after all, and she could be rather...unpredictable at times, so he just decided to go through with it and prepare himself for whatever insane scheme the Goddess of Light had come up with this time. Down below the two of them, all of the other Smashers were sitting at several tables, eagerly waiting for the show to begin. Robin couldn't deny that there was definitely a lot of excitement going on in the air.

"So...they actually went through with this?" Robin asked, trying to break the awkward tension between him and Palutena.

"Yup! We'll be able to have this whole theater to ourselves until this show is over."

"And when will that be?"

Palutena shrugged. "Who knows? I guess that all just depends on how the production goes. Hopefully there won't be lot of executive meddling."

"Well, I am still not really sure about this whole television show thing. Could you at least tell me what this whole show is about?"

"No time for side chatter now, Robin! The show's about to start!" Palutena said excitedly, and as if on cue, the lights onstage turned on and the rest of the theater went dark. She got up from her seat and summoned a microphone as she went onstage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to our very first episode of 200 Rules of the Smash Mansion. I'm your lovely host, Lady Palutena, and I'd like to introduce you all to my lovely co-host, Robin."

Before Robin knew it, the camera turned its focus to him, and he got up and gave a nervous wave to the audience. "Oh, well...hello there, everyone."

"Don't mind him, he's just a little nervous because this is our first episode. Just testing the waters, you know. Now, let me tell you a little something about this place that we call the Smash Mansion. The Smash Mansion is a rather interesting place to live in, and like most houses, there's always a list of things that you should or (mostly) shouldn't do. And that's why me and Robin are here to tell you everything you need to know about living in the Smash Mansion. Isn't that right, Robin?"

"I...I guess so."

"Disclaimer time!" Palutena suddenly shouted, which made Robin jump slightly. She then summoned her staff and a disclaimer appeared on the screen on the stage. "Warning: The events that you are about to see are for parody purposes only. If there's something that ends up being suspiciously similar to any kind of pre-existing media, then it is completely unintentional, okay? We own nothing. We don't even own ourselves! We are not responsible for any kind of insanity that may occur while watching this program (Okay, maybe we will). Alright, so without further ado, get out your popcorn and enjoy the show!"

_**#1: Don't ever let Roy be in charge of the Smash Mansion.** _

"Hey guys, did you hear?" Marth asked as he approached Ike and Meta Knight, who were currently playing a game of chess.

"Hear what, dude?" Ike asked.

"Robin quit."

"Quit? What do you mean he quit?" Meta Knight asked.

"He's done being the boss of the Smash Mansion. Guess the job was just too stressful for him."

"Well, if Robin's done for good, then who's in charge now?"

Suddenly, the three of them heard a loud thud, and then looked over to see a bathtub sliding down the stairs, and on top of it was none other than the hyperactive red-head Roy.

"Yaaahooooo! This is my house now!" Roy hollered as he continued to ride the bathtub down the stairs.

Ike and Meta Knight looked at each other in complete bewilderment.

"Roy's the boss now? Well, that explains why the new rules were written in red crayon."

"Marth? Where are you going, dude?" Ike asked.

"I'm moving to Alaska." Marth replied as he took a suitcase and headed out the Smash Mansion.

_**#2: Don't try to attract attention with cheesy pick up lines.** _

Captain Falcon walked over to Samus, attempting to try to woo her for practically the ten billionth time.

"Hey, baby. Are you a magnet? Because I feel attracted to you."

"What did you just say?" Samus asked as she put down her newspaper.

"Woo, babe! Is it hot in here? Or is it because of your scorching hot looks?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Do you have a map? Because I'm getting lost in your eyes."

"Say one more cheesy line, and I'll punch your lights out." Samus threatened.

"Ooh, mama! Is your daddy a baker? Because you've got some nice buns right there!"

_POW!_

Samus punched Falcon right in the face, and then walked away feeling rather offended. Little Mac and Ryu then walked over to the dazed Falcon lying on the ground.

"Falcon, how many times do we have to tell you? You'll never get good at flirting." Ryu sighed as he put his hand on his face.

"Especially if you use cheesy pick up lines." Little Mac added.

"Ouch. I think I just got burned by her fiery spirit."

_**#3: If you ever lose anything, it was most likely stolen by Diddy Kong.** _

"Robin, have you seen my hairbrush?" Cloud asked.

"No. Sorry, Cloud."

"Well, that's fantastic." Cloud groaned as he sat down.

Kamui then came into the room. "Hey, Cloud. What's the matter?"

"I lost my hairbrush. Again. That's the third time this week I lost that thing."

"Hey, Cloud. You looking for your hairbrush?" Corrin asked.

"Yeah. Do you know where it is?"

"I saw Diddy Kong use it the other day. You know how much that monkey loves to mess around with other people's things."

Cloud's eyes widened, and his face turned to anger and he clenched his fist. "Why that little son of a-"

Kamui gasped. "Cloud! We're not allowed to swear in this fic! We'll get in trouble with the censors if we do!"

"Son of a biscuit..."

_**#4: Palutena is not a troll (Even if she sometimes does some trollish things).** _

A sly grin spread on Palutena's face as she looked at her target: Robin. She was just about ready to do her regular routine of trolling Robin. Palutena quietly began to sneak into the room when Robin suddenly stopped her.

"Do not tell me. You are going to come in here hollering your "Heyyyy, Robin!" nonsense, and then you are going to try to fool me in some way."

"No. That's not what I was going to do, Robin. I was just going to give you this note."

Palutena then handed Robin a note and walked out of the room. He thought it was a bit odd that she wasn't doing her usual shtick, but he unfolded the note and his eyes widened upon reading it. It was the two words that Robin had expected to hear from Palutena.

Heyyyy, Robin!

_**#5: Bayonetta is not a troll either (That still doesn't give her the excuse to use her Witch Time for trollish things).** _

Bayonetta watched with a grin as she saw Cloud walking over to the living room holding a bowl of cereal, and she was planning on doing something mischievous.

"This is gonna be classic." Bayonetta grinned, and then went over and used her Witch Time to make Cloud slow down before he even noticed her. While he was slowed, she placed a wire in front of his feet, and made sure that he would trip on it just as Witch Time wore off and Cloud returned to normal speed, causing him to trip over the wire and fall onto the floor, landing face-first into his cereal. Bayonetta then started to laugh hysterically as Cloud lifted his head, which his face was now covered in Cheerios.

"Wha?! Bayo?! What did you do that for?!"

"Hope you had a nice trip, Cloud!" Bayonetta cackled as she walked away.

"One of these days, I'm gonna get her back." Cloud muttered as he got up and cleaned his face, but then tripped on the wire again.

_**#6: As expected from a place where over sixty people live, don't expect there to be enough food for everyone to share.** _

"Pit, did you eat the last Pop-Tart?!" Peach asked.

"Yeah, why? Did...Did you want it?"

"No, it's just that we just went to the store yesterday and already everyone's eating everything we just bought."

"Hey, guys. Did anyone eat all the Frosted Flakes?" Roy asked.

"Frosted Flakes? Why do you care so much about the Frosted Flakes?"

"I called dibs on them."

"You can't call dibs on food!"

"Well, everyone else does it." Pit said.

"Yeah, and Ike writes his name on every single bag of Doritos we get." Roy added.

"Well, if you want to eat something, then save some so that there's enough for everyone else." Peach then walked away from the two, but then turned around. "Oh, and by the way, that peach cobbler in the fridge? That's mine."

_**#7: Ike is very perservative of his Doritos.** _

Sonic was happily munching away at a bag of nacho cheese chips, when Ike came into the room.

"Hey, dude."

"Huh? Oh, hey, Ike." Sonic replied nervously as he quickly hid the bag.

Ike looked at Sonic with a look of suspicion. "What are you eating, dude?"

"Uhh...nothing."

"Smells like...nacho cheese. Looks like..." Ike's eyes went wide as he realized something. "Are you eating my Doritos, dude?!"

"I don't see your name on it." Sonic looked at the bag of chips, and his face paled when he noticed Ike's name written on it in big letters, as well as a note that said: "Do not eat this bag of Doritos unless your name is Ike. If your name's not Ike, THEN DON'T EAT THESE DORITOS!" Sonic looked at Ike, and realized right at that moment that he had done goofed.

"...Oh, crap."

Moments later, Sonic found himself running for his life as Ike chased him around the Smash Mansion. Although he was obviously much faster, he knew that he wouldn't stop until he found him. Nobody eats Ike's Doritos. Nobody.

_**#8: Ganondorf is definetly not the best when it comes to babysitting.** _

Ganondorf groaned as he sat in the living room. Out of all of the smashers that could have been chosen to babysit the young ones, why did it have to be him? These kids were driving him beyond crazy.

"Hey, Mr. Ganon! You wanna play with us?" Villager asked.

"No."

"C'mon, Mr. Ganon! You haven't been having any fun with us today!" Ness whined.

"That's because I didn't want to babysit any of you in the first place."

"Can you tell us a story?" Toon Link asked.

"Alright. I'll tell you a story. Once upon a time, there were three kids. They were so annoying that everyone died. The end."

Villager, Ness, and Toon Link just stared at for a moment, and then started clapping. "Wow, Mr. Ganon. That was a great story! Can you tell us another one?" Villager asked.

"No! I'm not telling you any more stories! Isn't it time for you kids to go to bed?"

"Why would we go to bed now, Mr. Ganon? It's only 3 in the afternoon." Ness pointed out.

Ganondorf was silent for a second, and then he groaned again. "Can I just have my paycheck now?"

_**#9: Having two Roys in the Smash Mansion leads to really strange things.** _

"Hey, Roy! You wanna switch places for the day?" The red-headed Roy asked the fellow Koopaling.

"What do you mean?"

"You get to have my sword, and I get to ride around in your little car."

Roy Koopa thought for a moment. "You know what? I've always wanted to swing a giant flame sword around with cool red hair. Let's do it."

"Okay!"

**12 seconds later...**

Marth was currently busy playing an (not really) intense game of chess with Corrin, although it looked like he wasn't that much into the game.

"Checkmate." Marth said, sounding completely bored out of his skull.

Suddenly, there was a loud "vroom" sound, and the two of them looked to see Roy riding down the stairs in a Clown Car. "Whooo-hooo! This is the greatest day ever!"

"Look at me! I'm a hyperactive pyromaniac!" Roy Koopa hollered as he swung the other Roy's sword around.

Corrin looked at Marth with a look of shock. "What are they doing?! We can't just have them run around like maniacs! What should we do?!"

"Let's just pray to the heavens that the Smash Mansion won't be burned down within the next five minutes."

_**#10: Don't make too many references to a certain cartoon by a company that we cannot name (You know what cartoon we're talking about).** _

"Big Bro, do you know what wumbo is?" Toon Link asked Cloud.

"What in the world is wumbo?"

"You know, I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me...wumbo?"

Cloud's eyes widened when he realized what Toon Link was talking about. "Toony, don't! We don't want to get copyrighted by  _them_!"

"Hey pinhead, what do you think you're doing shutting Toony up like that?" Link asked.

"Who you callin' pinhead?" Cloud asked with a goofy expression on his face. "Oh, no! Now you got me doing it!"

Link looked at Cloud in disgust. "Who put you on the planet? Ugh!"

"Aggh, you people! I'm not safe here around these freaks!" Cloud then ran into his room and locked the door. "I swear those people are weird, but I don't need them. I've got some other friends that will protect me." He then drew a bunch of faces on his fingers. "The gang's all here." He then looked at his hand, and sighed as he got up and poked his head out the door. "I don't know what's going on out there, but it sounds like a lot of-"

"HOOPLA!" Toon Link hollered as he suddenly appeared right next to Cloud.

"Why do I even bother?"

* * *

As soon as the last clip finished playing, the show went back to the stage where Palutena was waving to the audience.

"Well, that was quite interesting, now wasn't it?" She then looked over and noticed that Robin was actually smiling. "Wow, Robin. I've never seen you smile like that before."

"Okay, that...that was actually pretty funny."

"Glad to see you're starting to like this." Palutena then turned back to the camera. "Well, that's going to be it for right now. We'll be right back after these messages."


	2. Episode 1 Commercial: Smashing Oats

Hey, you! Yeah, you random person that's watching right now! Are you tired of eating the same old, boring cereal every morning? Do you wish you could have a bigger and better breakfast? Well, look no further, my friend! Because we've got something special in store for you! Introducing, Smashing Oats!

Smashing Oats has all you could ever want in a cereal! Corn flakes, marshmallows, sugar, you name it! It even turns the milk a random color for added flavor! It's so delicious it will make you puke rainbows! Let's take a look at what some of our customers have to say about Smashing Oats.

Roy: I love Smashing Oats! I would eat these every day for the rest of my life!

Kamui: Uhh...What am I supposed to say again?

Palutena (offscreen): (Whispers something)

Kamui: Oh, yeah. Smashing Oats really changed my life! I don't think I ever want to go back to eating boring old corn flakes again!

Cloud: ...I don't want to say the stupid line.

Palutena (offscreen): Cloud, we paid you to say the line, now say it! We're on air for crying out loud!

Cloud: (Groans) Fine. (monotonously) Smashing Oats are my life. I could eat these for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

You see that? If the smashers love Smashing Oats, then I'm sure you will too! So what are you waiting for? Go and get yourself a box of Smashing Oats today! Only $9.95 a box (plus tax)!

But wait, there's more! If you buy some Smashing Oats within the first week of this commercial airing, we'll give you another box of these sugar-infested oats for free! That's right, for free! Two for the price of one! It's an offer that will make you puke double rainbows!

(Warning: Overuse of the product may cause severe addiction, increased blood flow, and hyperactivity. I am not responsible for any potential problems that may occur from consuming this product, so don't sue me. I was not part of making this cereal. I'm just a random guy that got paid to advertise it! I believe that this cereal tastes like complete crap and that these crazy people are scamming you out of your money! But don't worry cause there's a money-back guarantee if you don't like this rainbow-colored slop.)

Smashing Oats! Now you're eating with power!


	3. Episode 1 Part 2

"And, we're back!" Palutena greeted to the audience, but then noticed that someone was missing. "Robin, the show's back on!"

"Alright, alright, I am coming." Robin muttered as he got up from his seat and went onstage. "What are we doing now?"

"We're gonna show the audience rules 11-20, that's what!" Palutena announced. "Roll the clips!"

* * *

_**#11: If you are ever wondering how Robin became the boss, then this will explain everything.** _

July 14, 2014 was the day Robin arrived at the Smash Mansion, along with his 13-year-old sister Reflet and Lucina.

"Ah. So this is the Smash Mansion?" Robin asked as the three of them entered the front door.

"Looks pretty ludicrous to me." Lucina commented.

"Can you believe it, Robin? We get to live in the Smash Mansion! This is like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" 13-year-old Reflet stated excitedly.

"Well, I would like for us to get settled first before-" Robin then noticed a giant white hand approaching them.

"Hey! Are you the newcomers?" Master Hand asked, his finger mostly fixed on Robin.

"Uhh...yes. Yes, we are." Robin answered. "My name is Robin, and this is my sister Reflet and our friend Lucina."

"Okay then, I have a few questions to ask you, Robin. How old are you?"

"I am eighteen years old, sir."

"Perfect. Do you take everything seriously?"

"Yes."

"Are you responsible?"

"Yes."

"Will you be able to handle living with a bunch of crazy people?"

"Well...maybe I would, but-"

"Good, because you're in charge of this place now! I quit!"

"Wait, WHAT?! You are leaving ME in charge of the Smash Mansion?! B-But I just got here!"

"Well, you wanna know something? I've been manager this house for almost fifteen years, back when there was only twelve Smashers! Do you know how much controlling these lunatics does to me?!"

"Well, c-could you at least wait until we are fully settled in before we get to this-"

"Nope! You're the boss now, and you're gonna start managing today! Have a nice life!" Master Hand shouted as he left the Smash Mansion and slammed the doors.

Reflet and Lucina stared at the door in silence, and Robin sighed in dismay. "Oh, what did I just get myself into?"

_**#12: Shulk should not be used to predict everyone's future.** _

"Hey, Shulk. You can predict the future, right?" Roy asked.

"Well...sort of."

"Okay, great. Tell me, Shulk. What am I like 20 years from now? Am I rich? Am I famous? Am I handsome?"

Shulk thought for a moment, and then finally answered. "I see you living in a run-down apartment and marrying a man."

"Wow, that's awesome, Shulk! Can you predict my future next?" Pit asked eagerly.

"And mine?" Corrin added.

"What about me and Robin?" Palutena asked as well.

"Hey wait, everyone. I can't possibly predict  _all_  of your futures. What do you think I am? A fortune teller?"

"Yes." Everyone answered.

"Well then, if I really  _can_  predict everyone's future, then in 20 years Pit will actually be able to fly, Corrin will be working at McDonald's, and Palutena and Robin will actually get married and will have 27 kids."

Palutena and Robin looked at each other in shock. "Oh, we are not going through that again." Palutena muttered.

_**#13: This fanfic is in no way related to a certain other fanfic (Even though it was that story that inspired this one).** _

"Hey, Robin. I just noticed something weird." Palutena said.

"What is it?" Robin asked.

"I just discovered this website called , and for some reason someone has been writing this show as if it were some kind of fanfic story, and they might be writing it right now as we speak."

"How would that even be possible?"

"I don't know, but the person who's writing this is named...Latias 4.5. I wonder if that's his or her actual name, but that would be weird. I mean, who puts numbers in their name?"

"That is really odd. Someone writing a story about this show?" Robin asked to no one in particular.

"Hey, wait a minute! One of this person's favorite stories is this fic called '200 Things NOT to do in Pokémon'. That title and summary sounds really similar to the name of our show. PkmnMaster Rolf stole our idea!"

"Did you happen to see when it was first released?"

"It was published on...October 17, 2014." Palutena was silent for a moment, and then turned to Robin. "Looks like  _we're_  the ones who stole the idea."

_**#14: If you really value your life, then don't ever, ever, ever, EVER anger Kamui.** _

"La dee da. Gonna go water the plants." Kamui sang to herself as headed outside to take care of the garden out front. As she did, she then noticed a small, green caterpillar crawling on the stem of a plant. "Oh, hello there, little guy." Kamui allowed the caterpillar to crawl onto her hand. She giggled as she watched it crawl along her finger. "I think I'm gonna name you...Wormy."

"Hey, Kamui. What are you doing?"

Kamui quickly placed the caterpillar onto a stone and turned around to see that it was Shulk. "Oh, just watering the plants."

Shulk then noticed a caterpillar crawling right next to Kamui, and instantly screamed. "BUG! KILL IT! KILL IT QUICK!"

"Shulk, no!" Kamui shouted, but it was too late. Shulk had completely smashed the caterpillar with a shovel. She gasped in complete terror as she held the caterpillar's lifeless body. "You...You killed Wormy! He had a whole life ahead of him!" Kamui then started to cry, but her sadness quickly turned to rage as she got up and became so angry, it would make the Hulk jealous. "Why did you kill Wormy?! What did he ever do to you?!"

"I-I'm sorry, Kamui! I-I didn't know!" Shulk knew he ultimately screwed up when he saw fire burning in Kamui's eyes.

"You just killed an innocent and helpless creature! YOU MONSTER!" Kamui screamed as she began to chase him around with her sword.

"I'M SORRRYYY!" Shulk yelled as Kamui continued to chase him.

**A few moments later...**

Robin was busy in the living room, when suddenly the front door opened and Shulk stumbled inside, his body completely battered. "Shulk? What happened to you?"

"K-Kamui..." Shulk gasped before he collapsed to the floor. Beware the nice ones, indeed.

_**#15: Giving Roy coffee is never a good idea.** _

"I am such an idiot." Robin muttered as he lay his head on a table.

"Heyyyy, Robin! Whatcha doin'?" Palutena asked.

"I am such an idiot." Robin muttered again.

"Why are you calling yourself an idiot? What did you do?"

Robin lifted his head up and sighed. "I gave Roy coffee."

Palutena stared at Robin in confusion. "You gave Roy coffee? Okay. I don't know why you're calling yourself stupid about that."

"You know how hyperactive Roy already is?" Robin asked as he looked over at Roy, who was literally bouncing off the walls from his extreme caffeine-filled craze. "Now I just multiplied it by a thousand."

"Oh, it'll wear off soon and Roy will be back to normal, I'm sure." Palutena assured him.

**6 and 1/2 hours later...**

"Any time now..." Palutena muttered, but Roy showed no signs of calming down.

Robin sighed in exasperation and put his head back down. "I am such an idiot."

_**#16: Contrary to what fans believe, Ridley is in fact too big.** _

"Okay, who's-a next to audition to the next Smash-a tournament?" Mario asked as he and the rest of the original twelve were doing auditions for the fourth Smash tournament.

Then, a giant purple dragon poked his head into the door. "Hi, I'm Ridley. I'm here to audition for Super Smash Bros. 4."

Samus was about to shoot Ridley in the head before Mario stopped her. "Okay. Could you-a please come in here?"

"Okay." Ridley tried to get into the room, but he couldn't due to his massive size. "I don't think I can fit my whole body in here, but I'm still gonna audition."

"Why do you-a think you should be a playable character in-a Smash Bros.?" Mario asked.

"Because I'm Ridley, and I want to crush the skulls of all of you! I don't care if people say that I'm too big, I feel like I deserve to be in Smash!"

Everyone was silent for a moment, and they all huddled together and whispered to each other. After about a minute, they disbanded and Mario spoke up. "Okay, Ridley. We'll-a think about it for a while. We'll send you a letter when we-a confirm your status."

"Okay, thanks." Ridley took his head out the door and grinned evilly. "I hope I get in. I can't wait to pulverize those bozos in that tournament!"

**6 months later...**

"Finally! It's here!" Ridley roared in amazement. The letter had finally arrived, and he wasted no time to tear it open and read it.

_Dear Ridley,_

_We are happy to say that you have gotten into Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. It took us many months to figure out how to incorporate a giant purple dragon like you into the game, but we finally decided on giving you the once-in-a-lifetime role..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_...as a non-playable boss character. But don't worry, we'll still have some playable representation of you with purple Charizard. Seriously though, you're too big to actually be playable in Smash. Although people keep begging me to put you in the game, you might as well be with all the other completely ridiculous fan-requested characters like Goku and Shrek. The characters that will be most likely never to absolutely never being in the game. Enjoy your status as another boss character._

_Sincerely,_

_Masahiro Sakurai._

_P.S: We knew you were going to try to audition right from the start, so I told the smashers to make you think that you actually have a chance of being playable._

Ridley's whole body froze as he finished reading the letter. He could not believe that he just got rejected...again. Ridley dropped the letter to his giant feet, and then let out a roar of anguish that was so loud, it made the whole world shake.

_**"SAKURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"** _

_**#17: Palutena may not always give the best guidance.** _

Pit began his smash taunt as he fought someone on Palutena's temple. He really needed some advice on how to beat his opponent. "Um...Lady Palutena, are you there?"

Palutena was lounging in her temple, when she heard Pit calling for her. "Yes? What is it, Pit?"

"Who is  _that_?!" Pit asked, pointing to Lucas, who just facepalmed because he couldn't believe that he had no idea who he was.

Palutena looked over Pit's opponent, but she couldn't get anything about the their moves. "I have no data on this fighter! I can't believe it!"

"What?! What do you mean you don't have any data?!" Pit asked.

"It must be an intruder from another dimension!" Viridi's voice randomly spoke.

Lucas wasn't amused by the angel's naivete. "Seriously, Pit? You don't know who I am?"

"How do you know my..." Pit quickly realized that his opponent was really familiar to him. "Lucas, is that you?"

"Well, duh! Of course it's me! You don't remember me?"

"Yeah, of course I remember you! We debuted in Brawl together!" Pit now felt completely stupid for not recognizing Lucas. "Now are we continuing our battle?"

"TIME!" A loud voice suddenly shouted, and was then followed by, "SUDDEN DEATH! GO!"

Pit gulped as the Sudden Death round had begun. Looks like Palutena wasn't going to help him now.

_**#18: Don't ever let Ganondorf tell bedtime stories.** _

"Oh, why do I have to so this? Why me?" Ganondorf groaned. Why did he have to be the one to be putting the young ones to bed?

"Hey, Mr. Ganon! Tell us a bedtime story!" Villager said.

"Yeah, Mr. Ganon! Tell us a good story!" Toon Link added.

"Oh, I'll tell you a good story, alright. Once upon a time there were a bunch of extremely annoying kids, and they..."

**Due to the graphic nature of Ganondorf's bedtime story, we have no choice but to censor the entire story for the sanity of the viewers. So anyways, one extremely explicit story later...**

"And then they were never heard from again. The end." Ganondorf finished. All of the young smashers looked at him with extremely horrified expressions and they all huddled together for comfort. "Well goodnight, you annoying kids." Ganondorf said as he left the room. "That was easier than I thought. I really shut those kids up."

_**#19: Mega Man does not like to be reminded of a certain 80's cartoon.** _

"Hey, Mega Man! It's mega-great to see you!" Pit greeted to the blue robot.

"What did you just say?" Mega Man asked.

"I said 'It's mega-great to see you'."

Mega Man quickly went over to Pit and glared at him. "Don't remind me of  _that_!"

"Remind you of what-icus?" Pit asked in confusion, which only infuriated Mega Man more.

"You know, that cartoon that took us and Simon Belmont and completely butchered us!"

"What cartoon?"

"You know! That cartoon with the kid that got sucked into the video game world and that random princess that was created just to be a generic love interest for that kid?  _That_  cartoon!"

Pit thought for a moment, when he finally realized what Mega Man was talking about. "Oh, you mean Captain-" He began before he put his hand over his mouth.

"Yes, that! Don't remind me of that!"

"Why not? It wasn't that bad, wasn't it?"

Mega Man looked at Pit as if he was crazy. "They colored me green and made you an annoying little kid and they didn't even get your name right."

"Oh, yeah. That was terrible. But at least I could actually fly by myself. And that princess is pretty hot. I have a feeling that someone's really shipping me with her."

_**#20: Don't ever question how Palutena and Robin's relationship exactly works.** _

"Heyyyy, Robin!" The goddess hollered as she came into the room.

"What is it, Lady Palutena?"

"Hey, Robin! Whatcha doin'?"

"Reading a book, like I am always doing right before you show up."

"I made something for you." Palutena said, handing Robin a small note.

"Does it say exactly what I think it's going to say?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure, Robin! Just read it!"

"Okay." Robin sighed, and then he opened the note and to his surprise, there was only one letter written on it.

H.

"It is going to say 'Heyyyy, Robin!', isn't it?"

"No, Robin. It's not. Just read the rest of it."

Robin sighed again and opened the rest of the note, and sure enough, there was something that was written that he hadn't expected.

Hi, Robin.

Robin looked Palutena in slight bewilderment. "You surprised, Robin?" She asked.

"Well, quite frankly I am surprised that you didn't say...you know, that phrase."

"Oh, yeah. There's one more thing I have to tell you."

"What is it?" Robin asked, and Palutena leaned over and whispered something into his ear.

"Heyyyy, Robin!"

* * *

"And there ya have it, folks. That's the first 20 rules of the Smash Mansion. Only 180 more to go! And me and Robin are gonna go through all of them, right Robin?" Palutena asked as she pulled him right to her side.

"Yes. Yes, we are." Robin answered.

"Well, that'll do it for us tonight! I'm your lovely host, Lady Palutena, and this is my lovely co-host, Robin. We'll see you all...whenever the production crew comes up with rules 21-40. But until then, see ya!"


End file.
